An England Minute

This stop frame animation made by a friend of mine is ludicrously good. Check it out.

What is there in a name?

It is a concept of the modern world that needs no explaining: every human being has bestowed upon them a name, a label by which the other members of their tribe can identify them.

It serves as a sign to the world, “I’m Dr Pasty-Smasher Omlette” (a genuine example of a 2010 name change by deed poll in the UK)  is a representation of you, and although conventionally one has no choice over their moniker, it’s pretty much with you for life.

But in football, a name seems like so much more. Increasingly in the modern game (spit) it’s a brand – sorry, CR7? Give over – whereas previously it was just a kid’s way of picking their favourite player. As a young, naïve chap, I enjoyed watching Tony Yeboah. There was something about his name that was poetic, like Daniel Amokachi’s and even Danny Cadamarteri’s, which kept me following their careers even until now (Cadamarteri is currently at Huddersfield FYI).

I think it’s one of the things I’d always loved about Crystal Palace, being named after an extravagant landmark seemed far more interesting than sticking Albion on the end of whatever cess pit you were from, and we had our fair share of good player names too. They ranged from the cold-war-secret-agent-esque Itzik Zohar to the painfully British Wesley Foderingham, with Kagisho Dikgacoi filed in the ‘requires excessive lingual gymnastics’ section.

There are, of course, many players named after other players. As well as that Cameroonian Leo Messi, there is a Brazilian named Michel Platini (who plies his trade in Bulgaria) and even Chelsea legend *ahem* Maniche was named after Benfica’s hero of the 1980′s Michael Manniche. While there is a nostalgic romance to these, painting men as walking homages to idols of the past, this respectful practice is tarnished by its evil cousin, the modern re-naming. While naming your child Alfio, after the defensive linchpin in Racing Club de Avellaneda’s 1967 Intercontinental Cup win, might seem a nice tribute, someone, somewhere is filling out a deed poll form to change their name to Wayne Rooney (fifteen people did this in 2010, as well as five David Beckhams) and single-handedly destroying society.

I knew that in attempting to pick my own favourite I would struggle to whittle down the list. For every fluid and rhythmical name like Siyanda Xulu or Knowledge Musonda, there are the glorious forename/surname antitheses like James Rodriguez – pronounced ham-ess, and named after James Bond – or Macnelly Torres.

Unable to pick a favourite, I enlisted the help of some of my favourite writers to furnish this piece with some sense:

Rory Smith, The Times

There are certain footballers’ names which stand out, whether for an inherent poetry (Siyabonga Nomvethe), a childish glee (Waldo Ponce, Quim), a comic inappropriateness (Danny Invincibile), a fine literary tradition (Ricky van Wolfswinkel) or sheer madness (Zimbabwean players, passim). But my favourite, for no real reason other than the sheer bathos, is Alan. Just Alan. You could be the most lavishly gifted player in the world, a Brazilian striker of unmatched verve and imagination and skill, but can you ever be taken seriously with the name Alan? What sort of Brazilian looks at a kid and thinks: “Yep, he’s an Alan”? I don’t know, but it makes me smile every time I see it.

Michael Cox, Zonal Marking & The Guardian

In my view, there’s a simple formula for a great footballer name. The first part of the surname should represent what they do on the pitch, the second part should be a stereotypical ending according to their nationality. Therefore, Serginho, a Brazilian wing-back who surged up and down the line, gets top marks. APOEL’s Ivan Trickovski, a Yugoslavian-born winger who can be extravagant when trying to beat an opponent, is another good example. Marc Crosas really should have been a winger. And since you ask, in my days as a central midfielder in Surrey’s youth leagues, yes, I was responsible for many defensive cock-ups

Iain Macintosh, The New Paper (Singapore)

Call me childish, many have, but I still can’t stop giggling whenever I hear Blackburn striker David Goodwillie’s name over the tannoy. There’s something so beautifully functional about it. It’s not a great willy. It’s a good willy. Sturdy. No awkward bends. And yet, the twisted genius of Kermit Erasmus is a moniker I cherish even more. The reckless juxtaposition of the Dutch Renaissance man and the singing green frog is something that should have earned Mr and Mrs Erasmus some kind of civic award. But nothing, nothing in this world, will ever beat the majesty of Stefan Kuntz, a name so gloriously and so publicly mispronounced by John Motson in 1996. God knows, I love the German people, but just for once, with the greatest footballing disappointment of my life on the horizon, it felt like Motty was on the money.

David Cartlidge, Freelance

My favourite player name, without a doubt, goes to Miguel Ángel de las Cuevas of Sporting Gijón. There’s no bias here, as Sporting are my team, it’s just the simple fact it’s the smoothest name around. For a start, it’s in five parts, and few names sound better rolling off a Spanish mother tounge. Although, they leave out ‘Ángel’ in commentary etc. Now, running Spanish names through Google Translate can be a fun process: we have Juan Mata, aka John Kill, and Iago Aspas, Iago Blades. The king is De Las Cuevas though, who becomes known as the incredible Miguel of the caves. Too cool. He’s one of the few Sporting players actually capable of playing football too.

Rupert Fryer, Fox Sports

Alan Kardec – Brazilians have always taken a more interesting approach than us unadventurous Europeans when it comes to naming their offspring. Often electing to adopt the name of a famous person they’re particularly fond of, they also frequently reinterpret they way in which the given name should be spelt. Benfica’s Alan Kardec de Souza Pereira Junior was named in homage to the French spiritualist Allan Kardec, whose beliefs that true enlightenment could only be achieved through communication with the souls of the dead proved popular amongst certain groups of Brazilian society.

The pick of your suggestions:

@martinlaurence7 – Excellent Walaza

@Vitu_E – Sixto Peralta

@Wanchope_Dickov - Ziguy Badibanga

@GoonerPatrick – Hobbit Bermudez

…

Scout Report: Carlos Fierro (Mexico)

Valderramarama is back after a busy period, and first up is a brief look at potentially the next big thing to come out of Chivas…

by @joekrishnan_fel

Fierro was part of the Mexico squad which won the U17 World Cup on home turf last year and certainly made an impression in front of visiting scouts. The 17-year-old, who has already made eight appearances for his club, Chivas Guadalajara, impressed at the U17 World Cup by netting four goals and creating two goals in seven games, finishing as their top scorer for the tournament.

At just 5ft 9, Fierro is your typical Sergio Aguero-style forward. He may not be the tallest of strikers but knows how to use his body to keep the ball and has his fair share of headed goal has tremendous pace and close control, but the intriguing attribute about him is his willingness to drop deep and carry the ball.

His finishing is his top attribute though and being a striker, you need a decent strike conversion rate. Give Fierro a chance and you can almost guarantee he’ll test the opposition keeper. You only have to ask France, who he terrorised during the 3-2 Quarter-Final win in the tournament, setting up the opener before scoring the winner in the second -half. See Fierro’s involvment in the 2-1 win over France in action here.

He struck a formidable partnership with Liverpool’s Marco Bueno during the tournament and it’s his movement between the lines of the defence which allows him to get into goalscoring positions.

Obviously, due to Fierro’s nationality and club, the comparisons between himself and Javier Hernandez are inevitable. But Fierro is more well-rounded than the Man Utd striker, coming deep to get the ball and dribbling with it, whereas ‘Chicharito’ prefers to play with the ‘fox-in-the-box’ mentality.

Although many pundits have tipped him for a move, the general opinion is that Fierro is happy playing at his local club and the media believe he should wait before moving to Europe. He is currently being courted by the likes of Real Madrid, Chelsea and Inter Milan, but it would seem that if Man Utd showed an interest, he would be more inclined to join his compatriot Hernandez at Old Trafford.

And if Fierro can continue his impressive scoring form, there’s no reason why he couldn’t go on to become a top player, perhaps even emulating Hernandez’s acheivements.

“The Very Best Of Pitch Invasion”: A Review

As with opening section there is again an emphasis on the American football scene in the “History” section including essays from Dunmore and Peter Wilt, which provide an enlightening insight into the troubled history of football in the United States. As an Australian football fan there is much we can learn from our American counterparts and these essays are definitely well worth a read. My favourite piece in this section would have to be Dunmore’s own essay on Ydnekatchew Tessema, an Ethiopian footballer who progressed from the national team to coaching it to being co-founder of CAF to being its president for fifteen years. That piece alone illustrates the joy of Pitch Invasion for me; giving me an insight into something I knew absolutely nothing about.

The book’s third section is dedicated to “Culture” and the first four essays are dedicated to the songs that fans sing at games and this makes it for me the most enjoyable section of the book as it takes a look at the other side of football. It also features Brian Phillips, editor of the brilliant Run of Play and whose twitter feed has me constantly in stitches, who takes a look at history of what he describes as one of the strangest supporters songs in football – “Goodnight, Irene” and its relationship to Bristol Rovers. Alex Usher’s rough guide to football in print, although a little out of date now, is also a must read for anyone wanting to get into the world of football books.

“Life” is the title of the fourth section of the book and Dunmore in his introduction describes it as connecting loss, hope and the commercialisation of sport. Although it featured some excellent writing from the likes of Bobby Brandon, Jennifer Doyle and the aforementioned Peter Wilt as well as Dunmore, for me was probably the weakest section of the book. Unlike the other sections it didn’t seem to quite gel and maybe People maybe have been a more appropriate title.

The fifth and final section is entitled “Activism” and deals in most part with football in England and more specifically the role of Supporter Trusts with Gary Andrews excellent four part essay on the Trust Movement being the highlight. Like Mike Inness’ earlier three part effort I also felt this could have been combined into one large essay without losing any of its impact. Also providing a great insight was Shay Goulb, chair of the Israeli National Sports organisation, who highlights the efforts and problems faced by Israeli football fans as they look to pay a more active role in their nation’s football clubs.

Overall however I think the “Very Best of Pitch Invasion” is an invaluable addition to the ever growing world of football literature and could very well point to a new direction for football writing especially and it many ways Pitch Invasion was/still is a forerunner to publications such as The Blizzard. With that in mind I look forward to the next edition of the “Very Best of Pitch Invasion” and you never know, my name may make in there.

by Neil Zimmerman